Clinton -- PM Am.
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"Only robbers and gypsies say that one must never return where one has been." -- Soren Kierkegaard
The Possessed 2003 WRITE : nonfiction SummaryI always had a lot of big dreams -- and even plans. The same with my second coming to Russia. I don't know how, but the grand expectations were dominating the future. Why would I think that I can do it? The future was friendly -- oh, you have another chance, another shot at everything I didn't get. Go and get it! Like a child.I didn't notice that I was fourty, fourty five, fifty... And as a child I wasted a lot of time, getting into so many things, which probably weren't my business at all.... QuestionsShould I try Russian in my stories? Where is the transition between Father-Russia and PostAmerica?NotesTransition? Who am I kidding? Do I really think that I will ever finish the book? Do I think that I am writing a book?2004 & After
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Most of what was to take place, after I went back to Russia, starts on the Father-Russia pages. After 11 years in US I thought that I am an American. 1992 the Russians that they will be Americans soon too....
Я видел, но не хотел замечать. Или замечал и не хотел видеть. Даже Ленинград, под именем Петербург, был грязный, серый, вонючий - хуже, чем в советские времена. Хуже чем Москва.
И люди были те же, злые, жадные - это пройдет, это только от страха...
Поэтому я здесь...
As if my first Russian life wasn't enough to know that I shouldn't come back, that there was no second life for me in Russia. Of course, it wasn't Russia's fault, it was mine. Did I come to prove the opposite?...
Father-RussiaWe are in Russia. Most of it in "Father-Russia," but here I had to say things that are about my immediate family, what was my family then.
Things went wrong there.
Конечно, я виню себя. Но это для пьесы. Надеюсь, что закончу летом 2003. Здесь я про себя и Эстер, мою американскую историю.
Это русская часть книги "Америка После Америки"...
"Надежды юношей питают" - я видно не вырос и был полон надежд; эта Новая Россия, новая жизнь...
Я приехал как американец, или Хлестаков, хотя и очень серьезный. Тот, который знает все - прошлое, настоящее и даже будущее.
Два года спустя я бежал из Росии...
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