I need the place for myself, even if this is an illusion. All other pages became public property. They are mine in name only, only because I made them.
It would be nice to look back at the year passed, but I am driven by the future, I am forced to look forward... as if I am driving at the high speed.
Questions
What did I do this year? What about the year before?
Preservation of mortality : How would we live without death? ...
Notes
All right, let say that I am writing another book, calling it "Diary" -- what kind of book?
Should I look at the news to know what "2003" was about?
This is MY 2003, my events, my history.
Good year?
"Good" or "bad" isn't working anymore.
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Is it possible that I am losing interest in writing? Then everything is lost.
Too bad I do not believe myself. I do not believe that I died on Xmas Y2K. Too bad that I do not know that this is "The Dead Man Diary"...
"Permanent Midnight" -- last chapter of the Webman's Diary. Travelling with the speed of light? Darkness. The price to pay for the instant. Nothing. Everything you built is to vanish -- not over the time -- the ruins, we know, no ruins, nothing.
There is spring out there, sunny day, but it's dark for me.
No, it's not work anymore, slavery. Is it how the old age looks like?
Silly idea -- what if I am to start the next year diary now in 2002? Can I break this dark two years by playing the trick with my fortune?
5.9.03: Woke up with the full realization that my future is set: all children are here -- and, even if I would work in Moscow (not Russia) again, I would be coming back to them and grandchildren.
Now, Alaska (or Fairbanks?) -- I don't know.
New York? Only if I get the money somehow... Now it's more questionable then ten years ago.
I have two places here. How and why?
I work here -- and therefore I live here. It's clean, small, big. It's a good space on earth. Like Siberia. Away from everything else.
I was in Siberia a few times, I never thought I would live there.
Of course, I won't finish anything. I have no intentions of doing it... This is why "webbing" -- "under construction"; I don't have to complete a single page.
About the textbooks... So much time invested. And I thought it would be easy. I have no time left, three years at the most.
[ I have other "chronology of the future" pages, here is only about the hidden, inner changes. ]
