Lucifer: The Book said that I envied man. I envied God. I envied one who can put his own creation above himself. I saw it, I watch him. I thought that God on the sixth day. I was there next to him and I saw this love, love to this naked, trembling, defenceless creature. What is in him? That he is weak? Slow? Stupid? I should know that this day was coming, I remember the joy on the first day, on the second -- and everything what came after -- grass and enimals. I felt I was losing it -- why? What does He need it for? We, the angels, were indeed in His Image and Likeness! Powerful, strong, fast... What did he need it for? Adam was the last point... "Lord," I thought, "What is this for? I don't understand it!" And this rhought was my revolt. All right, you will get it from him, you will get many times more and worse from him, from your man!
How about if I tell you what is missing, what I would to write (if the book will ever be finished)? The stories of Lucifer free from historical propaganda and my stories of transformation into a spirit (the stages -- woman, child, animal, plant, stone, i.e. aging). It would be nice actually to "write out" the thoughts-notes in order for others to understand what I am talking about.
"People say the savage no longer exists in us, that we are at the fag-end of civilisation, that everything has been said already, and that it is too late to be ambitious. But these philosophers have presumably forgotten the movies. They have never seen the savages of the twentieth century watching the pictures." Virginia Woolf, The Cinema (1926)
"Tell me about your dreams. I want to hear it."
"I don't remember them." I look at Lucifer at the window.
"I have no dreams, Anatoly. I'm myself am a dream of sorts. I see things, but I never sleep. That is why you see me here that often. I even don't know how it feels to be tired. Mentally I understand it course. I understand a lot."
"But why do you want to feel?"
"You know, I was like them, the rest. It didn't bother me that I had no soul. You have to have a body in order to have a soul. Everything was fine, but then you, man, came...."
There was the sound of an ambulance outside. Lucifer turned to me, the night light from the street was on his face. There was a reflection of his face on the glass.
"You have a reflection," I pointed at the window. "You see, you got the reflection!"
"I don't see it," Lucifer said. "That is the problem."
He touched the glass with his finger.
"In your book my story is presented as a revolt. It's a nonsense. I wanted what you have and I asked for it. I do not know how it happened. I wasn't supposed to understand it, we, the spirits, have no self-reflective ability, that's why most of them are so happy. Somehow I noticed it, I understood that I have no life of own, only an existence. Do you understand? That was evil. Children do not have this self-awareness too, but it's not evil, because they do not understand it. I understood what I shouldn't know. I couldn't be with Him and the rest anymore."
"So you felt something?"
"I guess. Because I became it, the hell. That's how bad it was. And the memories of how it was before, oh, those were my dreams!"
