... I began to write it 15 years ago. I wanted to understand my American life. I am sure that I am still interested. In American, Soviet, Russian, myself all together...
After my stroke I feel that my life is over. Does it matter if I will understand it or not?
I never thought that I would live that long.
What I think about is how did I managed not write this book when it should be written?
Maybe because I write for myself?
Only for myself?
I don't call them the "chapters" anymore -- just files!
What does it mean? The different arrangement of the narrative. You are in control of associations (clicks); you may come back or not -- and nobody know the trajectory of the process...
So, what does it do to the composition?
The Possessed 2003
WRITE : nonfiction
SummaryYes, I still believe that all I have to do is to write well. Nothing else. Thew rest is not my business.
QuestionsQuestions? How about that?
NotesNot her, but my love for what I am grieving over...
2004 & After
Anatoly XXI [blog-write]
... filmplus.org/adiary + filmplus.org/politics -- What can I do? Nothing but keep writing.
The texts are messy enough to add more comments to them... and I need to comment in order to edit them. I have to remind myself what I THINK about what I wrote!No comments (none) on Y2K and 2004 Elections?
First, the confusion -- is it American or Post-American Book? PA and Post-AmeriKa...
"America" is my subject, but I never saw it -- all I know is "Post-America"... I came too late. I arrived when Reagan was elected, what possibly can I write about America? "AmeriKa" -- just a tribute to my illiteracy, not a revolt.
In Father-Russia I wrote that my defection was due to the fact that Russia had enter the American Age... so I went to America ten years ahead of the rest of the Soviets. They still try to become something like North Dakota.
Second, the "linkage" -- many texts are connected with other book-projects (Self, Tech, POV), my only hope that the hyper-text will solve this problem. I'm not writing normal books, I am not even writing them!
How to organize my notes? Maybe they are organized already? Make in Diary format! Not all my twenty years as American, only the year Y2K.
"PostAmerika" is close to "Father-Russia" and I don't know which one should be read first. I am to move Part II from the "Fascism" Chapter on Semiotics of Politics in here, the American book (and leave it for web-pages only).
Also, the personal stories. I have two children born in Russia, they are grownups and in US; with Anton it's distant even after his son Antosha was born, with Masha it's broken all together.
When I was thinking about the defection, and it began in 1975, when my marriage came to its end, I knew that I do not want to have another family in Russia. It took me five years to defect. It another five before I got my American family. This is important and I have to tell it....
You can see that all this is just notes; I'm still waiting that the forms will come (or the time to find them). Sometimes I feel that I see it, the book. But untill the book can't see me, I have to live with the notes.
Well, I try. I made two parts, appendix, table of contents, and etc. -- I try to make it a book.
Thought-experiment? Thought is ever experimental. Thinking is an experimental reality.
I need to write it and to read to move my thought further.
This extreme rationality of objectivism is plain silly. Very American, as if a human is indeed a machine only. Never mind that I'm also an animal, I'm also above reason (how else could I be in control of my mind?) Most of my actions surpass logic -- I taste food, touch subjects. I have no time for calculations! I go for "thinking" only when I need it.
"Existence exist"? Thanks. And this is after centuries of philosophy!
What is so "objective" about OUR world which we CONSTRUCT? Why MY world is "subjective"?
Suspended reality, reality as a sign....
The Real didn't disappear but lost its domination. It comes back from time to time, but it doesn't have full powers as before. The priorities are rearranged. It's only a begining of our transition to a complete spirituality. The material "real" is a creation, according to all known myths. We are making those myths into a reality, we are going after the sources of the real. Connecting mass and inertia, Einstein made the material depended on speed, no less than time and space. Virilio calls God's speed (light) diabolic (perhaps, in reference to Lucifer). The reality of the speed universe beyond our sensory abilities is not unreal. Technology allows us to participate in God's being -- and we feel the lose of the human reality. The simulacra is real and the replacement is real. The two realities are connected, the technology is a modem. This third state (God) didn't existed in material forms before. Now culture became material! We are overwhelmed with our new powers. We became REAL. Human race reached its critical mass.
What is God's purpose? To create life and to protect it. That is our mission. What is my task? To say it.
I don't resolve the world but transcend.
Illusion/Appearance & seduction (pleasure) v. Reality.... The end is a disappearance of reality, a replacement, an inclusion of it (implosion?) Why are we surprised? Why don't we stay surprised by the flying airplanes or car phones? I live in a technological cocoon and surprise that the real disappeared! I am surprised at your surprise!
Seduction? But it's selected, framed, magnified parts of the real! Reality at my face! Too much of it! Technology lets me get so close to the real that I can penetrate it! I'm inside the real -- and the real disappears! We copulate with the real! We mixed with it.... Of course, I (human) can't "feel" it, because it done with techno-prostates (machines)! Is there anything "real" behind the appearances? Yes, but how important is it? ...
We are proud that in 1997 American crime rate went down. Of course, it's good, but what does it mean?
Sport cars? You still don't know what sport is?
American success in protecting individual rights is possible only because of the new notion of individuality. By replacing the classical self hood, the institution of the mass democratic system became possible. What is a new individual? Not above the others but separate, isolated, capsulized. The order of chaos. Equality of insignificance.
[T.] Against an individual (Mayakovsky) and the NEW individual (American). The difference? The new man is for himself, he is equal. The communists were against the vertical man, a hero, the best. We need an individual who is fully integrated into his environment -- and alone?
Mix master and slave: man must be killed by the idea of man?
When a single soul will become more important than humanity, then we are at the time of resurrection.
Talking about genetic engineering? We have done it when a mouse began to talk. Mickey Mouse. When animals talk, people listen. Silence, man! Let them talk! We love our commercials.
NB. D.G. Leahy _Foundation_ a trinary system: 1, 0 & unun.
I am a communist in despite of himself.
(see PART ONE in American Book)
Like in Moscow-Petushki. THE STORY.
Still driving. Where am I? I'm lost. The same streets, the same corners, feelings and thoughts.... (Taxi driver)
How did the transition take place? From Fairbanks to NYC. Through a dream, when I don't know what city I'm in. The people get in my car (not a cab anymore), accidents. Ted, Michael Foucault, the Russian (Dostoevsky again? "Turn off your radio.)
Frozen red. I wait for the green. Minute, two, ten. Empty streets, well after midnight. I drive through.
The police car behind. Maybe not. The night shift is over. It's time for my 9.45 am class.
What did take place that night? Do I remember? Did I imagine it? I stopped the car and got out. I walked away from the road, I didn't to see light.
Hit and run? What difference does it make? I went back and found the body, my body.
Quotations -- radio, voices in my head. Conversations on the back seat.
How did the internet get into this driving through the world? Is it real? The maze, the labyrinth.
I didn't forget, my license is suspended in NYC.
Instead of Moscow, I ended up in Montana.
The Fourth Book (VP) about film, because I ran out of words to talk about the new. I can use them only when I talk about the Apocalypse, nit the Resurrection.
Panopticon and Gulag: Net as distribution of power
You don't have to be a member of communist party to believe in communism. You don't even have to know that you are communist. Cat is not a cat by convictions. It's a quality. Bruce Babbitt doesn't believe in private property, serving as a secretary US natural resources. In fact, none of the communists I knew in Russia believed in communism. They are users, not developers. Not knowing what your beliefs are is more powerful. Bolsheviks called it "class instinct": the most reliable proof of belonging. The reading glasses, or a tie, a speech pattern can give away an educated person. A cat recognizes cats by smell.
Not groups, but an individual has (constitutional) rights! Who remembers it!
How is the Jah in African Book connected with A-Book? Chronologically? The American presence of Ethiopia. My own mental stage.
2008 -- I will be voting for myself as a president.
Obama will win without my vote. I should be opposing the victory of the only party left in American politics. I have to think about "After Obama" -- about the world at the Times of the Grand Depression and After... [ Utopia Project = u21.us ]
2007 -- web year and my nonfiction writing projects [ Anatoly XXI ]©2004 filmplus.org *