"Your name of Anatoly creates a business-minded and serious nature. You are very refined, thoughtful, and reserved. You think a great deal more than you express verbally and do not appreciate interference or boisterous activity. People find it difficult to understand you because of your aloof attitude. As a result, you experience loneliness. You enjoy nature and the out-of-doors. Your thinking often tends to serious subjects of a philosophical, scientific or religious nature. Although this name offers many fine qualities, it restricts your expression and keeps your thinking involved in your own affairs and thoughts. Weaknesses could occur in the heart, lungs, or bronchial organs or you could suffer generative disorders."
Something between "Notes from Underground" and "Diaries of a Madman"...
Webmaster and Margarita
Everything I write is personal -- and nevertheless I have no place for me in my writing. I wouldn't know what was my day like, how I lived it -- if I read my so-called "diary."
The task of the Dairies is two-folded: to combine and to separate. In order to ORGANIZE my thought I have to take apart this "steam of conscience" -- and reconnect it.
Why do I do it in public?
What difference does it make? The cyber wall is the biggest known wall. Besides, I am my own public, the most important spectator of my life.
Also, I lost my archives not once and even after losing some websites, I feel more secure about the electronic memory than the paper.
2005: web is my last big project. Web was my last project...
I know they talk about me behind my back, my pages.
They are right, I lost it.
I don't know what I am doing.
I just try to do it.
Do what?
I am trying to write.
...
I tried to live.
I tried hard.
Before the PC Age, I kept the handwritten diaries. Before the Web Age, I kept my electronic diary. Should I post the files from 1997-1999? What is the form? I do not want to mix it with the Webman's Diary. They are in WP directory on the hard drive).
It's not the "Director's Diary" -- but my personal thoughts about personal matters.
In Alaska they call it "dissollution of marriage" as if it disolves, vanishes, not even a divorce. Maybe they are right.
The problem is not the marriage, but the family.
The problem is you.
The problem is that you give your life to somebody and what do you do now with it?
You do not have it, the life. Where is it? It was thrown away.
I always thought that relations between man and woman are the most brutal. It has to be since it results in new life.
The new brave world has to be against it. We have to be against life, if we want to control life and death.
Man and woman could be partners and lovers, but they are no friends. They have their interests. By being together they gain. Together? Untill now they have to be together to gain; now they can do it by themselves. What a triumph of individual!
No men, no women. Who needs them?
Christianity was telling us that we are in transition to another world. Now even our qualities became transitional.
More liberation ahead. More freedoms. God created One in his image and likeness, a single. We are getting there.
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