Mailing List & News -- subscribe yourself *
diary.vtheatre.net + Film-North Album (new)
Mailing List & News -- subscribe yourself * "Null Years"
My dreams are more dramatic than my daytime dreaming. I wake up from the world I wish to stay in. I stop recording them -- too much. As if I live there...
10.5.04. Every night. Sometime several times each night. I am lost. From one place to another. Only the strangers around. Russia? And I have no place to go... "This is how my father felt before he died" -- I think in my dream.
Summary
Do you want to see what is my year about? Read the webpages -- everything is out there.Questions
I am angry. I know it. I am angry all the time. Why? Maybe because of this webbing? Am I angry at all of them out there -- angry at myself for serving them? But why do I do it? Do I seek their attention? What for? I watch the mumbers grow -- two-three thousand a day? What does it mean, even if that many read what I write? I am not happy with WHAT I write! How could I? I know how real writing looks like -- I read real books...Notes
How different this year from 2003? The continuety is easier to notice. I am webbing. The pages are doubled in size. Oh, yes, there are new pages and even new directories -- new plays to direct... The Taming of the Shrew, Oedipus -- and the pages that are born, when you are doing adaptations.
My father died. "Antohins" is about the end of the line. As if I am dead too.
... and in Russian?
Well, I do not know. I simply keep doing it. Sometimes, like at this very moment, I have no sense of directions...
Maybe this all is for nothing.
Another year -- and the other year ahead. I know that I do not come with the texts that stand on their own. It's notes only, nothing to come back...
Life is strange. How difficult to make sense of it.
I look back -- 2003, what was this year? What for? What is left? What was done? What is to remember? What is to come back to?
The same sensation as in my youth, the passing time. Passing by, through me, and I feel it in my chest, where the heart is... Never stops, never slows down this stream. My own life is passing me by...
2005 and 2006 : trying to make some summaries of my internet years.
2007 -- I try to record what I do...
...
