2008 : |
... dreams.vtheatre.net - newrussian.org
Pages "dreams" in other directories -- list.
* film-north/2008 -- Project 2009
Danger, Anatoly, danger!
The dreams is the nerve of this book. Link it with the story -- she, Lucifer are my dreams. I am their dream. Writing is dreaming.
I promice that I will keep the log of my dreams, the important ones. Lucifer thinks that the secret of human feelings is in there, in our dreams. I lost my great hope for solving the mystery of dreams long ago. Too much of the silly stuff in dreams. Simply because it's on my mind, it pop up while I sleep....
SummaryThey say that Sezanne would leave "empty" parts on his paintings, if he didn't know what brash stroke belongs there. Well, I do the same. Sometimes I place "..." or [ pix ] -- in hope that the right words will come later. If ever. This is why I consider my "writing" as "notes" or "files"...
QuestionsDo I miss real subjects and therefore -- the stories I need? Somehow the big history and very small events (like a dream) are not connected -- the War in Iraq (Spring 2003) and the gray sunny day I see through the window. What is this method of bringing together macro and micro?
NotesNo matter what I do the story doesn't come "by itself" -- most likely because I do not know how to narrate in "dream-style" (or maybe to hold myself back).
I wrote a page. I think it was good. I couldn't save it, it's gone. Like a dream. Nothing. Forever.
Bad Subjects, Wrong Theories
Dreams : Tarkovsky, Kurosawa, Bergman, Fellini...
Song, go straight to that Lady
who has hurt my heart and robs me
of what I most hunger for
and put an arrow through her heart: attack!
For sweet honor is won through getting back.
...We, angels, good and bad, are the dreams.Sleep, sleep, that's the time when the real changes in you take place.
Now you are gods, the people, now we are your dreams.
"When I was young I struggled with it, I tried to sleep only once in two days..."
You are not young anymore, Anatoly.
"I feel that I slept through my life..." Nonsense! Unless you didn't see dreams all this time...
You have to stop fighting, you can't write, when you fight. Stop, please. It's too late to fight the lost wars. Put it behind.
.... No, I am not a man, when I sleep and see dreams. A child or maybe even a woman. I know it. Napoleon slept only four hours a day. I don't think he ever saw any dreams. Great poets see dreams even when they make love. Like children always full of fears and hopes....
...A strange little box I try to make and place on my webpages. I want to put in this box some notes about myself of no meaning, but very important. What I like and do not like. Like food.
.... Spring Break 2003. I have a few days for myself, for writing. I need those 30 days in desert Jesus had. Long vocation from everything for the time with yourself. I have it, but month of solitude is broken into weekends... I need time to sleep and see my dreams. Through the week I am too tired to see dreams. Or even to sleep....I think you are dead, when you don't see dreams anymore. You must be etreme tired not to see dreams. If you are okay, like a child, you do see dreams. Should you think about your dreams? Yes, but not too much, unless you are a writer.
If I am a women when I dream, who is this man I dream about? Me, the one I wish I could be.
"I find no shield she does not shatter, no place to hide from her look..." (Dante) -- Me-Woman waits for Me-Man to come. Every time I fall asleep, she appears and watches me like mother. I know her presence, this is why I can sleep. I know that she is there to guard me from myself.... My mother is dead and I am not child anymore. That is what they think. They who know nothing about dreams and dreaming.
The dream was okay. With a lot of details. The rooms of the apartment I live in, with the strange job I just started. I do not know the city, I try to remember the corners I have to turn tomorrow. You are so busy in dreams, they are too fast. You have to do so much. And I do not know what they write about the prophetic dreams, most of them are banal and we do not remember them, because there is nothing to remember ...[ How to collect (all) other "dreams" pages? In Self: Dreams, and even in Russian Book -- Ñíû...
The light was strange, as if the whole world was interior. No changes, no morning or day, as if there was no skies. I had no time to look up, so busy I was. You know, everything is new in dreams, but are not surprise, I try to survive -- you try to get adapted. You have no time, you always have something to do. It just comes at you -- and you keep going....
... He didn't know that he died this night. He was me.
They say, people who die sleeping are lucky. I don't know.
Lucky because they do not notice their own death.
Lucky to die without pain and suffering. I was lucky.
I don't know. What about the last rites, about saying goodbye? Was life important enough to know that you are to leave it?
I have several "death" pages in this book. I don't think one should simply pass into another world with no sky.
[ I am glad we have to sleep. The lies must stop! ]
* I do not see POV text-only files in vTheatre?]
Also, the diaries must be here!
HamletDreams and Hamlet2002 are connected to Self and the two books after: POV and Tech. Links on the right?
Maybe I should print out the pages...
From where to connect to film pages? 600 directory?
Not enough images?
More in Notes...
The New Russian prose (Pelevin): everything dream-like (Gogol, Dostoevsky, Kafka traditions). Nothing is "real" anymore, the only real what I feel (the whole century we were going there). We do not know what is real (Kant -- "Subjective Objectivism" - a joke); all I can do it is to tell you about my dreams. No intentions to try to "see" the world outside of what "I see" (imagine). Should we go further and in the extreme "subjectivity" meet the Other? Are we afraid to be so personal, so alien to everything "outside"? Dream is the symbol of this solitude....
Do we really expect that every birth will be celebrated? How many of them on earth every hour?
We are reckless. We do not appreciate ourselves -- and this is the reason why we die.
We spend 1/4 of our lives sleeping. Morpheus. Like drugs. Keep us away from action. We need this break -- and body breaks us up!
... Do demons sleep? And then they are become angels again.
@2001-2003 and after film-north * NEXT: Dreams in POV text-draft. American: "I have a dream" -- no, I don't have such dreams. My dreams are "local." I never dream about race or history, nation or philosophy. My dreams are small, my dreams, including my American Dream, are about me.
I appreciate dreams because they are free of lies. They are primite. I have many "American Dreams." I live in America for over twenty years -- and my dreams are about a small part of it -- Anatoly. I believe that if I will be okay, America will be fine. The rest is lies.
I am one of many. I see 300 mlns sleeping and having their dreams. About themselves. The of the world, twenty times bigger, sees their dreams. What do they see?
2005-2006 Theatre UAF Season: Four Farces + One Funeral & Godot'06
Film-North * Anatoly Antohin
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Anatoly XXI : writing blog 07